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i don’t know what to do with my life anymore

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#72 Thing

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[LAST UPDATED]:8th December, 2015
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What am I going to do with my life
 
I always thought that people who wrote books for a living were boring. Recently, I looked at all of the amazing books I’ve read over the years. I realized that a real-life author was behind that amazing book. 
 
It’s hard for me to think about what my future looks like when I’m young. What could writing possibly teach me about life? Could writing be the answer that I’ve been longing for my whole life? 
 
On another note, I noticed that internet blogging has been on my mind a lot lately. I want to make real money from blogging online. I mean, I already have the system in place. I have the ability to charge people through a paid membership on my site. All that I would have to do is write the articles, and obviously write quality articles that people would want to come back and forth to re-read them. 
 
Writing helps me with:
 
-focusing on what’s important in my life by writing my thoughts down on paper
-letting go of the many different stresses in my life
 
wolvofficial, things, want, have, going , need, see, day, get, carl, wolfgang, schultz

What do I write about? 

 
The hardest thing for me to do is to simply write! I find that the more I try to complicate things, that should be kept simple, the more I get stressed out. That makes sense though, if you think about it. We should try to keep things as simple as possible, not just for us, but for other peoples’ sake as well.
 
It’s hard when there’s so much going on around us. 
 
For example:
 
-school
-work
-girlfriend
 

Keeping up with things

 
My thoughts run wild, when I don’t control them. I have to keep working hard, in order to keep the things that I have. The moment that I stop working on my dreams, I begin to feel like I’m falling behind. No one wants to fall behind! It can be the worse feeling ever. Getting things done: I love it when I’m trying to count things, and I forget where I left off at. It’s a pain sometimes. #problems. 
 
On a side note, I’m doing well; trying to get through the day. I have the same old thing, day after day. I wish for a lot of things. I wish I had something doing things for me; for example, a machine. That would be useful, but I don’t know what to expect. That way I can stay here, and make something at the house for tomorrow; I needed to get that done. What is someone like me to do in this case? 

It’s like, what do I want most from life?

 
It sucks, that I’m constantly trying to figure out what I’m suppose to be doing with my life. I’m sure as can be, though, that I don’t want anybody else telling me what to do with my life. I can figure it out on my own -thank you very much. 
 
What’s one thing I should be doing right now over anything else?
 
Again, it’s a hard pill to swallow. We want to do this and we want to do that. We want to try it all, but have you considered the notion that we can’t possibly do it all? Maybe, we need to focus on one thing, and do it really well. 
 
What can I take with me everywhere I go? 
 
I have the idea that people should travel light. 
 
If I could only take with me, a few things, before I boarded the airplane, I would take the following:
 
-laptop
-earbuds/headphones
-iphone
-backpack
-pen
-paper
-clothes
-video camera
 
I don’t want to be locked down, or tied down to where I am at. I always try it keep it simple and light. The more physical things that I possess, the more I feel overwhelmed and stressed, but I need these things to function on a daily basis, and to make money. That’s one reason why I like the digital age so much is because technology can helps us by storing things in the cloud that we don’t need.
 
The only two things that I need are:
 
-laptop
-wireless internet connection.
 
Note: Of course, there are a number of things that human beings need in order to survive. These are simply my important needs.
 

The idea that life is too short

 
The older I get, the more I realize how fast life is going for me. I don’t want to wake up and be old as hell. I don’t think anybody wants that, but that’s how life is. Whether I believe it or not, it’s going to happen. That’s why I feel for so many people going into their old age. I want them to have planned accordingly for going into their older ages so that they can live a more comfortable life.
 
But, I don’t want to give up on my other hobbies
 
I’m trying to convince myself that I won’t physically be able to do the hobbies I have now, going into my older age. It’s a hard pill to swallow. This leads me to my next question.
 

Which hobby do I pick?

 
I’m still thinking that writing in my blog, podcasting, and making music are the best things for me to do because it’s the safest bet. It’s just so hard to keep up with everything. I feel overwhelmed. I just wish that I could focus on one thing, and do that one thing very well. I want to steadily do one thing, over a long period of time, and be well-known for that. 
 
Writing about my life
 
I’ve learned so much from writing. Writing has taught me to think about things before I write them down on paper. I’ve learned to go back and look at what I’ve written. Writing is important to me because it helps me to shape my future, and deal with my past.
 

Organize my thoughts

 
There’s no doubt that I need to write more often. I can start to see life stressing me out again, and that’s when I know I need to write. 
 
Finding meaning in my traumatic experiences
 
I want a day to go by that I don’t think about my post traumatic stress disorder (or PTSD). 
 
What exactly is PTSD? 
 
 How do we cope with the problem? 
 
It seems that many experts are still uncertain about what exactly PTSD does to its victims. 
 

Writing helps me to study my emotions

 
Sometimes, my emotions can get the very best of me.  My emotions can take me to places that had I never dreamed possible. I believe it’s important to understand your emotions, and why you have different emotions throughout the day. There’s only one chart that I can think of right now that fits perfectly for us to use in our everyday life. 
 
Writing makes me wiser
 
How much cash should I have on hand? 

Make me care. 

Right now, I want to get in my car and drive back to Las Vegas. Once I get to Las Vegas, then I will figure out what I’m going to do. The plan is to be free to do whatever I put my mind to. I know how to make money, and I know what I need to do, but I’m not always willing to put the work into doing what is necessary to succeed. 
 
I can’t believe how far I’ve came, and I can’t believe how far we’ve came! It seems to me, we’re on a journey now; a journey, a journey into time and space. You wouldn’t believe the man that passed me by the liquor store today. He couldn’t have been more rude. You should have seen him. He was just like you. “LIKE ME? SHE SAID?” – Yah like you, just like you do all the time, I looked her with a smirk because I knew we were going on an adventure. There’s no going back now, she said. She must have been on board —mylove . 
 
The last time I had seen her was when she was walking down the street near white street-the old corner store by my grandmas house. 
We couldn’t believe how far we came. Both her and I were in Love, and tonight we were going to be in sweet harmony! Isn’t this great bear? I looked at her. Then she turned behind and looked at me with those big blue eyes, and I said you’re the most amazing beautiful, honey bear. And that was when we found love.
 
until after the great big thang! 
 
I never realized how angry you we’re at me. The other night in your bed near the drapes. I said to you and you don’t know me. But you say the same THING.TOO.; boo, I love You; so much I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t believe it’s true.
 
Interesting, my sweet bear, how I love you swear on everything its true baby i do love YOU. can you give me your hand because i wanna spend the rest of my whole life with the bear that i know best the bear that i got to know. 
 
if you could see how much I’m here for you. Than you would understand, how I can’t stand, being so far away from you. from you. from you.
 
From You.
 

write

The thing about writing is it helps me all of the confusion in my life. I remember starting a journal a long time ago while I was in the Marines, and that worked out nicely because it helped me to a grip on the fact that I might not ever be coming home. It was really scary over there for me, but writing helped ease my thoughts and pain. 

thing.

I feel like only you get respect after. Wish I was in the airport, just boarding the shuttle. getting ready to see the airplane. Whoah! Where, is this all going? “She said go to the highest mountain, this is whatever you dreamed about.” This is what you make it, now I supposed. It’s hard to imagine a life of nothing, but writing on a laptop. the thing is …and that’s alright with me; if it’s alright with you. Shan?  

life.

I don’t wanna go to school today, I really don’t want to because school is taking up space. However, I like space. And I love school. It has to feel fun. I wish I was able to get free from all of the pain. I miss her to this day. It’s hard for me to be away from her love. I’ll stay with her, until my dying day. Life is nothing but a mystery!

want.

 
I want everything in the world, but that’s not how it is. I was told that. The other day, I couldn’t get to the point. I had so many options. 
 
  1. Option #1- Stay in bed or get up
  2. Option #2- Open or close my eyes
  3. Option #3- stay or go by her side (and idk what to do)
 
There’s so much to think about. How often do you think? I think too much. There’s too much to think about in one day. And so I try and break it up. I break it up over the course of a few months. Wanting you: I feel like some thing good is happening for us.  I wish there were less things that scared me. There were less things that hurt me. If it is too much, let me hear thee!  
 

have.

 
Some days, I feel I have everything I need. And, somedays I feel the need to scream. All I want is to be free from the things I have right now. I want to just get it done. It’s easier said, than done. Call her, and tell her I’m done? It’s never enough till you’ve won? One day, I wanna feel like I’m in love!  I’m tired, I’m cranky, and I’m sure gunna miss thee. For days, I’ve been wishing to breathe. I don’t know what to do. Please give me one more day. All I want is one more day. To be with you. To be with you. 
 
I’m not so sure about the I love her she is my dream. and.  I wouldn’t mind being lean. Sure why not? He said. I’m ready for war. but I’m not ready for gore. It’s time we try and make it one more night. Whoah! I have these thoughts all the time I wonder why I don’t smile all the time. I could sit here all day and night. I if that’s all you have to do, than go for it dude. I  guess sometimes, all you can do is close your eyes. All you can do is close your eyes. And kiss you goodnight. Wish all of us could have. I don’t want to work any harder than the next guy. I would rather close my eyes. And watch the pictures flash by. Maybe something deep inside. Is waiting for me. Is waiting for thee. I’ve lied a long time. I’m not perfect . I’m so confused inside. I need to see that I’m fine.  What will it take to be right. 

can.

 
I can imagine. But something keeps holding me back. It’s like I’m ready to crack. All I want is for someone to chat. I can’t believe that it’s me who is greed. You don’t deserve that, baby its me. I’m breaking the rules as we speak. At the moment you feel your in deep. Use our love to swim back to reef. Go ahead, don’t be shy. You can do it if you believe. At least that’s what she said to me. 
 
Am I giving up on me? Am I giving up on thee? I don’t know=, but I know, what I know and that’s me. All my life I’ve waited for thee. I’m using the word because it’s me. It’s okay to be afraid. Were a team. We can do all the things that bring dreams. Simple is good, and we’ll see. Are you ready for dreams? Vacations are good when you can get sleep. Other than that it’s just weak. 
 

things.

 
Go ahead, and think I don’t trust you. I don’t have a choice I will miss you. You can see that I need you. My situation is with you. That means your a team and I’m with you. Can you see now, I need to believe that you’ve been through. The same things as me to convince you. You’re everything to me, times -three -boo!
 
It’s not the easiest thing to convince you. Nor would I try to hint to you. You’re always on my mind, and I kissed you. To prove to you our love is wishful. To be on the same track as this groove. All I can say is don’t flinch too soon. It will be okay if you laugh though. You can be the best version of you though.
 

going.

Caution: I might be rambling a little too much, but still some good stuff throughout the mix
 
No doubt, I’m going places. We are going places. You and me are going places. I take all of this language, and stir it up and make new language. (Not that important) . Food for thought:  I never knew this world of language, not to confuse with hard work, or anything like that. 

writing.

 
I’m not too sure where this is all going, but I do know some other things. It’s not going to be easy. It won’t be easy trying to break-free. Writing helps me to stay focused on the things that I need to get done. Why is it that every year, I always get a change of thought. I want something different, and not the same as that. My work is my work, and there’s no stopping or worrying about that. 
 
You can do anything -you can achieve. I need to pick up this room, and just leave. There’s no going back. We are here. These thoughts, though; I need to be calm bro. You can see how much you mean to me. This world is crashing down on me. It’s falling apart when it speaks, but I know how to dream up a dream. That hopefully one day make me think. I want to go back when I was 3. And cheer for the ones who were weak. 
 
The ones who couldn’t see what I see. Doesn’t mean they were cheap. All this means is they were free, to be who they wanted to be. And that’s okay with me. As long as I see the good things. And I do see a lot of good things. It’s hard though, when I want to be me. I think it’s better to have family. Family can make you go crazy. It can also make you have faith though. 
 

think.

 
Okay, so today might be a good day to go running outside. Why, did I ever stop running? Did I feel like running? So many questions. How can I be sure I’m ill? There’s always that stress that I’m ill. I’m actually fine, but I’m just saying.
 
 
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